I seriously considered waiting until exactly two years since my last post to revive this blog, but the slightly cooler weather has my enthusiasm for fluffing and refreshing at an all-time high. There is something about fall that makes my heart so very happy. I know this is true for many of you. Cooler temperatures bring to mind thoughts of warm fireplaces, cinnamon candles, turkey and dressing, and all of the wonderful aesthetic condolences that come with family and the holiday season. I am more excited than ever to enter into winter 2016. Joy fills my heart. I wish I could say this was always so, but as with so much of life.....the burdens have been many. The past year in particular has been one of the hardest of my life. I'll explain more in coming months. For now, let's take a peek at these two boys who have taught me more than I could ever imagine.
They are both now in school. I am officially alone during my days and have never been on my own before. Never Ever. So Bittersweet. Oh the good times we've had! Amazing, memorable times. That littlest guy wasn't even born when I began my business and was still in diapers when I opened my first big-girl, brick and mortar shop -- he went to work with me every single day. Oh the eggs he's seen cracked, the fondant rolled, the sugar he's drooled over and the countless times he climbed up beside me and whispered..."I love you mom".
I'm saddened to know these days are leaving me. They both still kiss me square on the lips with no shame. Time marches on and while the baby would still be nursing if I'd let him, the fact is...He is five. Breastfeeding is not an option. I briefly imagined adopting a baby or even trying IVF (did you know that at my age carrying a baby would be considered a "geriatric pregnancy"?! So serious!). Something about the baby of the family -- the bond is inconceivably real and oh-so-strong. Suddenly my youngest brother living just a few doors down from my mother makes perfect sense.
As I sent my two youngest sons off to school right alongside the two oldest, I realized that I had been driving life with my foot on the brake. So many ambitions, projects, and ideas that stay warming on the back burner as I make sure the offspring have just what they need. They are my highest calling after all. I truly believe that we are who we are by the choices we've made or have allowed others to make for us. Despite the numerous trials that sometimes seem unending, I like who God is shaping me to be and wouldn't change anything even if I could. I treasure the days I've had with my babies. That said.....having all four children in school allows me an amazing amount of flexibility to:
GET. STUFF. DONE.
Every season of life brings with it just exactly what God has in store for us in order that we may continue to learn and grow. "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven". In truth, a huge part of my heart is mourning. They are gone...my little men. This season is over and we are moving into the next season filled with football schedules, after school activities, and birthday parties organized around how many friends are in each class. I am full and empty at the same time. The night before his first day of school I asked my little one if he was excited...he replied, "I'm scared and happy all mixed up".
Me too, baby. Me too.